If there’s one thing I stand for, it’s that you do NOT have to settle in love.
If you’ve ever let a lukewarm connection go on for too long, or you’ve overlooked minor issues that ended up becoming bigger roadblocks down the road, you know settling in love may feel like relief in the moment, but doesn’t actually get you where you want to go.
So, how do you own the fact that you know exactly what you want, and won’t stand for any less?
There’s two themes to focus on: activating your personal power and raising your standards.
You upgrade the way you see yourself, and how men respond to you, by raising your energetic minimum.
An energetic minimum is the baseline of what you’re willing to tolerate for yourself in a relationship.
You can think of it like, “there are some basic things I need in place for me to go on a date with someone. These things qualify him to make sure he’s a good fit.”
Maybe you need to see some examples of him showing up.
Maybe you need to see him display some level of consistency.
Maybe you need to feel like he’s not rushing things.
It’s important to note, this is not a huge list of qualities that your perfect partner has. So, this doesn’t include things like, he’s over 6’2”, speaks another language, etc.
Instead of focusing on if he looks good on paper, focus more on what his actions consistently show you.
An energetic minimum says, “This is the minimum that I need to experience from a man in order to allow access to my time and energy.”
By operating at this standard for yourself, you’re influencing what’s happening around you in a very tangible way.
You get to determine if a man meets your minimum or not. This helps to filter out those that don’t and keeps you from settling.
The key is holding the standard regardless of external circumstances.
Allow your love life to rise and meet you at that higher level, rather than your feelings oscillating up and down based on whether or not a man is validating your love vision for you.
Take some time to think about your energetic minimum and how you can apply that baseline to the following steps so you never have to worry about settling again.
Recognize Your Own Scarcity Patterns
Many women struggle with a scarcity mindset when it comes to dating or relationships.
One good way to identify a pattern of scarcity is if you notice yourself using a lot of “just” statements.
“It would be great if he just did this.”
“I just wish I would hear back from him already.”
“I wish he would pick where we go to eat just one time.”
Statements like this are a reflection of scarcity thinking and justifying the bare minimum.
Take a moment to think about what feels impossible or out of reach. Notice where you have a desire and this conflicting thought of where this might not be possible for you.
The truth is that there are more than enough high-quality men out there ready and willing to give you what you need. Trust that and open yourself up to welcome it in.
Determine what beliefs need to be dropped in order to insert this new way of thinking and raise your energetic minimum to match.
Are you willing to let go of the storyline you’ve been holding onto in order to open up to greater possibilities in life?
Self Source Intimacy With Yourself
When I work with women that aren’t in tune with their bodies or pleasure, that’s one of the first things we focus on.
The reason is, because when you don’t know yourself in a deep, intimate way, it’s hard to actually meet your own needs.
When you’re not filling yourself up and taking great care of yourself, you might look to others to do that. As a result, this makes you susceptible to settling for a less than ideal partner.
But the truth is, showing up for yourself is what gives space for a man to step in and be the cherry on top of your already fulfilling life.
Self sourcing how you want to feel also makes it much more likely to uphold a higher energetic minimum.
Your needs are taken care of by yourself first and foremost, so you have the clarity and discernment necessary to determine if a new guy is someone who can really be with all parts of you.
And I’m not just talking about basic self-care here. I’m referring to the process of coming home to yourself. Getting up close and personal with the parts of yourself that may have been deemed unworthy or unlovable.
When you bring all of you to the table within your own life, your new standard is to never self-abandon. And that is where real confidence to attract and keep love on your level comes from.
Look at How You Can Go First and Let Life Respond to You
Take a look at the areas where you are waiting rather than moving.
Have you been waiting for the perfect circumstances before feeling ready to date? Waiting for there to be more matches on the dating app? Waiting for that man to respond to you?
Waiting is another way of looking outside ourselves for confirmation.
It also shows the universe that we are in an energy of not moving forward, which just brings more of that waiting into our lives.
A more powerful way to move forward is to notice where you’ve been waiting, look at how you can get into this place of going first, and then have life respond to you.
Make Moves
Building off of that, it’s important to clarify that taking action from a frantic, urgent energy isn’t the best place to be calling things in from.
Instead, see how you can take action and make moves while feeling empowered, knowing you’ve got your own back.
There’s a big difference between taking action from a place of scarcity, fear, and desperation versus trust in yourself, and the process.
If you’re saying to yourself, “I feel lonely and just want to meet someone,” that likely comes from a place of desperation and frustration. If that’s the place you’re taking action from in your love life, it’s not going to produce the results you want.
However, if you say to yourself, “I hold this energetic minimum of what I’m available for,” and make moves from that place, you’ll start to see different things come in.
Make moves to grow yourself. Invest in yourself. Get in spaces and with mentors that expand you. You are your own best ROI! Take the chance and show yourself what’s possible.
Rise into your next level for someone great to meet you there.
And if you’re looking for support determining and sticking to your energetic minimum, I can help.
The Irresistible Woman Essentials, my intimate group coaching program, starts soon!
In just twelve weeks together, you’ll release hidden dating patterns that aren’t working, learn how to swap anxiety and insecurity for confidence and feminine magnetism, and discover how to attract higher quality men.
Click here to learn more. Then, hop on the waitlist to take advantage of special early bird savings + bonuses when doors open.