If you’re a woman who finds yourself repeatedly drawn to men who ultimately aren’t able or willing to love you in the way you deserve, this is for you.
Perhaps you’ve found yourself in the pattern of dating men who run hot and cold. They’re really into you one minute, but retreat the next.
The good news is that it is possible to break those patterns and magnetize a high-quality partner.
But first, we need to uncover the truth behind these patterns and learn how to break free.
The Push-Pull Dynamic
Partners that embody this push and pull dynamic might come on strong and charming in the beginning. You might feel an intense chemistry with them at the start.
However, after a short amount of time, you notice he starts to pull away.
Maybe he becomes distant or cold. Maybe you have a hard time reading him or tapping into that emotional connection with him. Maybe he becomes very unaccommodating, only available to see you or speak to you on his schedule.
For women, this can be very disorienting.
You notice you can’t really settle and relax into your relationship with him. You start questioning if you did something wrong.
All this can lead to a loss of confidence on your part and a secret desire to change him or be the exception.
But, it’s important to note that starting from infancy, we learn a template for how we receive love, affection, attention, and safety.
If you grew up receiving love that was unstable or only under certain conditions, you might equate love to being only on the other person’s terms.
We develop these internal messages so young that tell us, “If I act this way, then that’s my best chance to receive love.” We learn to conform to the other person’s conditions.
Because of this, we’re drawn to people on a subconscious level that have that push-pull dynamic.
We haven’t experienced what it’s like to receive love consistently just for being us.
Shifting Your Mindset
In order to address this, first you need to realize that all of your relationships are a mirror for what’s going on inside.
What we experience with people we interact with, highlight our own wounds, blind spots, and subconscious beliefs in an opportunity to heal them.
If you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man, it can be an invitation to ask where you’re disowning or avoiding parts of yourself.
For example, if you feel rejected or abandoned by the push-pull dynamic of the man you’re dating, ask yourself “Where am I rejecting or abandoning parts of myself?”
By stating your needs openly and honestly, you’re shrinking your full self-expression and instead modifying yourself into the version that you think this man is going to be most attracted to.
This is the definition of self-abandonment.
The best way to address this is with radical accountability. Admitting that there’s parts of yourself you need to heal. Truly examine the story of how you came to understand how to receive love and commit to rewiring those beliefs.
This is where things really start to change, because you realize you have a choice and power over how these dating dynamics play out.
You don’t need to be a victim to the same patterns over and over.
Characteristics of a High-Quality Partner
So, what should you look for in a high-quality partner?
A man who makes a high-quality partner is growth-oriented. He’s open to personal development of some kind. He takes care of himself on all levels.
He wants to build a connection with you. He’s excited to spend time with you. He wants to make room in his life for you. He has the desire to provide for you, including emotional stability and security.
He lets you relax back into that feminine energy by letting him lead and rising to the occasion.
He engages consistently and supports you being the fullest expression of yourself.
How to Find Your High-Quality Partner
To find a high-quality man, first you need to understand that there’s a big difference between seeking versus attracting.
If you identify with this push-pull dynamic, chances are you’re seeking.
We’re often seeking approval that we haven’t given to ourselves. This includes acceptance of all the things that are dormant within us and waiting to be claimed.
Seeking creates a state and energy of desperation, which is ultimately repelling what you really want.
Stop making hot and cold men a priority in your mind. Stop holding space in your calendar in the hopes of making plans with them.
Instead, be in the energy of leaning back in order to find your high-quality partner.
Be receptive to attracting those men in a magnetized way. It’s a very different energy.
Open yourself up to attracting new and more aligned opportunities and you’ll be amazed at what happens!
This grounds you in your personal power, rather than that seeking energy.
One great way to start doing this is by looking for daily examples of men acting in high-quality ways.
This can be small outward actions, such as a man smiling at you at the store or holding the door open for you.
It can also be examples of how a high-quality man makes you feel in your body, such as making you feel comfortable or appreciated.
Either way, take a moment to notice how this makes you feel. Express gratitude for this example and your ability to be aware of it.
This activity will assist you in rewiring your subconscious and help you draw more of these types of men into your life.
If you’re ready to step into the fullest version of yourself and attract a high-quality partner, I offer several different coaching options to help! Learn more about working with me!