You’ve met an amazing man!
From the first meeting to the first few months, it can be very tricky to navigate this critical stage of dating.
In order to set yourself up for long-term relationship success, you need to effectively move through the early stages of dating.
So, how do you do it?
It really depends on your Attraction Blueprint™.
These are the subconscious thoughts, feelings, actions, and patterns that are running in the background at all times.
Think of all that has contributed to your sense of self, your body image, your sensuality, sexuality, and overall sense of empowerment as a woman – every layer of that, from micro to macro, influences your Attraction Blueprint™.
While your exact Attraction Blueprint™ is unique to you, there are a couple opposite ends of the spectrum, and when you know what these characteristics are, you can more easily identify where you land, and what that means for your dating patterns.
Once you understand your Attraction Blueprint™, you can equip yourself with the insights and tools needed to ensure your dating success.
Let’s take a look at the different Attraction Blueprint™ types.
One common dating pattern is anxious attachment, or what I call a Fire Sign Attraction Blueprint™.
What does this look like if you’re in that anxious attachment energy?
Initially, you might meet a man and the chemistry is off the charts. You feel sparks and get really excited about where this is going.
Perhaps you put him up on a pedestal in a way or start creating a fantasy of your future together.
You might make assumptions about what’s happening or try reading between the lines.
You put all your energy towards him. You might even cut off the rest of your options right out of the gate.
Before you’ve even had that conversation about being exclusive with him, you’ve already decided that for yourself.
With this Attraction Blueprint™ type, you’re really rushing because you want to feel that sense of certainty or security.
However, the problem with that is your urge for certainty is so great, you can’t slow down to see if the whole picture is right.
In the initial dating process, this shows up as focusing more on how you feel versus how he’s feeling. And often forgetting to ask, is he actually right for you?
When you start jumping ahead, beyond the stage you’re actually in, you risk falling into a false sense of security.
You’re missing a critical phase in early dating that will help give you the clarity you need. Being informed about the type of partner he’ll be will give you the actual security you’re looking for.
The bottom line is that you want to have a very definitive sense of who you’re with and there’s no way to really know that in a month or two.
There’s no replacement for time to be able to see who he truly is in different scenarios and emotional states. You just don’t get that early on.
You need to really allow yourself the time and space to feel into how the two of you click, not just on fun dates, but in life.
As more of life happens, you’ll see more sides of him. Ask yourself, “Do I like what I’m seeing?”
Wearing rose colored glasses just leads to problems down the road.
It might result in you realizing he’s not the guy you thought he was far down the line.
The other thing that can happen is the man feels like you’re more invested than he is and he pulls back.
This could cause you to exhibit leading and pursuing energy, which may kill the attraction and polarity entirely.
So, try to keep a balanced, non-attached eye out as you move through these early stages of dating.
Another common type of Attraction Blueprint™ is what I call Air Sign.
So, what does it look like if you have an Air Sign Attraction Blueprint™?
Initially, you might be more guarded and slow to open up to a man.
You might say to yourself, “Can I really trust him?” or “He needs to make the first move to prove to me that I can open up to him.”
However, in early dating that guardedness can send the wrong message to the man.
It might make him feel like he can’t get through to you or that you’re not interested in him.
If you identify with this Attraction Blueprint™ type, it really comes down to you needing to increase your capacity for intimacy.
This means allowing yourself to open up, be honest about your feelings, and share some of your experiences.
One good practice is to have some of the things you’re comfortable sharing ready to go in your back pocket.
Take a moment to think about it.
What are you comfortable sharing?
How can you convey your openness on a date through body language and emotional intelligence?
How can you comfortably show a man you’re interested?
Remember, knowing which Attraction Blueprint™ type you fall into is one of the best steps in beginning to successfully navigate early dating.
Now that we’ve gone over the different Attraction Blueprint™ types, let’s talk about the initial meeting.
When you first meet any man, whether it’s online or in person, the main thing you have to go on is physical attraction.
You might know a little bit about him based on his profile or a brief in-person interaction.
However, in the very beginning, the biggest thing you’re basing your decision to continue to speak to him on is physical attraction.
The important thing to note at this stage is that this is only one small piece of the puzzle.
Don’t overemphasize the chemistry and physical attraction piece.
This is especially important for anxious daters and why it’s so critical to work through your attachment style.
If you’re not actively working on that piece of yourself, you could be susceptible to being attracted to unavailable men. Basically, your picker can be off.
Anxious daters might feel drawn to a man that’s pulling away and acting hot and cold.
Unfortunately, because all of your chemicals and hormones are firing off, you’re going to be blinded by that.
This is why it’s necessary to be aware of your attachment style and actively be working on yourself.
Through that process you’ll be able to make more conscious choices.
You should really use this initial meeting as an opportunity to learn more about him. Be open and have a sense of curiosity about who this man is.
Ask yourself, “What else do I need to know about this man to assess if he’s a good fit?”
Once getting through the initial meeting and moving into early dating, curiosity, interest, and infatuation are the predominant areas of focus.
In this stage (as in all stages), there are specific needs and things you want to pay attention to regardless of the Attraction Blueprint™ type you identify with.
Early on, you want to focus on learning what his intentions are, what his high level lifestyle and world views are, and begin to assess his character in a variety of settings.
How does he handle his finances? How does he manage his schedule? How does he handle a stressful day at work? How tidy is he?
It’s only really after that initial few months that you’re showing more of yourselves. You’re less on your “best” behavior and showing more of your true everyday selves as time goes on.
You’re only going to know if there’s true long term compatibility by giving it time.
Finally, there are some additional good general practices to navigate this critical time in dating.
As you go along, try to pick more dates that support you interacting with each other in a more rich way. Dinner dates are nice, but try doing an activity that you like together. Do something more action oriented that helps build the bonding process in a more substantial way.
Also, another good practice is not to become exclusive before the three to four month benchmark.
Allowing yourself to keep your options open empowers you. This helps to show yourself that you do have choices and it also helps to avoid early attachments.
In allowing yourself a choice, you can see which man pursues you, is consistent, shows up for you, and makes you feel most comfortable.
Remember, avoiding early commitment is in your best interest to support the longevity of your connection.
This early period is so important and can really make or break a relationship. By using the strategies above, you can learn how to date in an empowered, fun, and effective way that creates the results you desire.
If you want to effectively move through the early stages of dating to set yourself up for long-term relationship success, I can help!
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