In my coaching, I’ve noticed that many women desire to be in an amazing relationship, but they keep experiencing patterns that prevent them from creating a deep emotional bond with a man. The good news is, you can turn this around with a few key embodiment practices I’ll share today.
Feeling disconnected from your body, your full self-expression, or the men you date, is all too common these days. Rebounding from years of social isolation is no joke! If you’re exploring and reestablishing your sense of self these days, you’re not alone.
In fact, this is the perfect time to get in touch with parts of yourself that may have been pushed down for far too long. When you know how to consciously show all sides of yourself in dating, you’re much more likely to form a solid bond with a man that he won’t want to lose.
What I’ve developed over the years are some best practices for deepening intimacy through embodiment. Embodiment is a bit of a buzzword these days, and what I mean by it, is simply being in your body as opposed to focused on incessant mind chatter.
When you are fully present and attuned to the feedback your body is constantly sharing with you about yourself and your surroundings, you’re able to provide a clear and accurate road map for a man to know how to best meet your needs and show up for you. The type of real connection you crave with a partner starts with you knowing how to connect to yourself in a meaningful way.
Today, I’m going to share with you some of my most impactful tools and practices. These will support you in experiencing a level of intimacy, connection, and depth in your romantic relationships that can only be accessed through the body.
If you’ve been in my community for a while, you already know that my background is as a trauma-informed mental health therapist. My training allows me to really understand the necessity of moving through blocks mindset work alone can’t heal.
This isn’t just about journaling or reciting mantras, but getting into the body and releasing trapped emotions. Remember, you might not have conscious awareness of them, but they’re always present in the background. And as with any tools I recommend, if you find you’re needing more support with past memories or challenging emotions keeping you disconnected from your body, professional support from a therapist may be helpful. For now, try the tools below as a powerful starting point for building greater connection to yourself, and men.
Quality of Presence
It’s the quality of your presence that will determine how much intimacy you’ll be able to build and if you are habitually opening or closing your heart. This is the biggest determinant of long term relationship success.
Whatever’s happening in your physical body is being felt by those around you, including prospective or current romantic partners. If you’re distracted, future tripping, dwelling on the past, projecting your fears, or pining over a fantasy about a man, your level of presence will be low. Chances are a man will be able to feel this disconnection between you two, and while he may not be able to articulate what shifted for him, he’s likely to pull away because he’s lost his energetic, emotional, or physical connection with you.
On the other hand, if you’re grounded, focused on the present moment, curious, and responsive (rather than reactive), you’re much more likely to naturally draw in men who can feel this warm, inviting, low pressure energy. Remember that low pressure energy doesn’t mean low standards. But pressure for a man will repel him, especially early on.
Get curious about the quality of your presence lately. This can be impacted by day-to-day activities (rushing around, feeling stressed, etc.) or traumas from the past lodged in your physical body.
Ask yourself, “How do I habitually open or close my heart?” We all have these unconscious patterns. Take a moment to slow down, get some insight on what triggers you, and figure out what your automatic responses are.
Automatic Responses
Let’s imagine you’re on a dinner date with a guy. It’s going great when all of a sudden, he starts playing on his phone. You can feel he’s not present. Meanwhile, you’re sitting there with full presence, eager for him to share this energetic dynamic.
What would be your automatic response?
One common response is to close off your heart by getting defensive. You might get passive aggressive, cross your arms, pout, get annoyed, quietly stew, or feel frustrated. Maybe you even get on your phone to one-up him or try to get his attention.
Another common response is to shut down, feel invisible, and blame yourself. Maybe you think to yourself, “what did I do wrong?” or “if I was more interesting, he would be present?”
Learning what triggers and automatic responses you have is the first step in discovering how to truly build intimacy.
Conscious Awareness
Once you determine those, you can begin to develop conscious awareness to make different choices.
The best way to do this is to share your experience of the present moment, without blame or passive aggressive tactics.
Of course, you should use your words, but also don’t forget to show him through your body. Use full emotional self-expression. It’s much stronger than simply speaking out your experience to him or using passive aggressive tactics.
Also, make sure you’re using body language to show him when you like something. When he does something you like, show him how much you love it. Shower him with praise both verbally and physically.
This benefits you in two ways. First, it invites deeper emotional intimacy between the two of you by showing him more of your true self. There’s no self-censoring when you let yourself really show just how much you appreciated something he did or said. And nothing is more magnetic than you allowing your joy to radiate out.
Second, he’s able to use your self-expression as a roadmap to understand your wants, needs, and desires. If you’re focused on playing it cool and not looking too interested too soon, he may interpret that as disinterest on your end and not be motivated to keep showing up in ways you really like.
The same principles go for letting a man know when something isn’t working for you. If something feels off in your body, use that as an indicator that some part of you is having a reaction and is needing space to be expressed.
With the embodiment practices listed below, you’ll start to get a sense for whether sharing your truth in the moment is the most conscious choice to make, or perhaps processing your feelings first will give you the clarity to later share. Either way, speaking up gives you insight into how a man is able to respond to that trigger. Remember, you want to see if he has the capacity to handle your full self expression. If not, it might not be a good long-term match for you.
The key is inviting a man to meet you in full presence and deeper connection. You go first in setting the tone, by bringing the full, real you to the table in dating. Can you create the container for a man to meet you there?
Best Practices for Embodiment
Finally, there are some general best practices for really embodying your true self. These can be used whether you’re single or currently have a partner.
- Intuitive Breathing
Really bring awareness to your breath and notice how it’s impacted based on what’s happening in the present moment.
- Intuitive Movement
Take this opportunity to notice what wants to happen beneath the habitual responses. Fully inhabit your body. How does your body want to move? If you got out of your head and let feeling self-conscious go, what shape would your body take? - Intuitive Expressions
Love doesn’t always mean sweet and happy. Express love by sharing your true experience. You’re genuinely deepening love when you are revealing the truth of your heart, even when you’re upset. Everything that is true for you deserves to come out. You are not too much. - Normalize Feeling Your Feelings
Try to really understand why you feel like you do and normalize feeling those feelings. Then, when you’re in a relationship, it’s just second nature to make this a practice that you can share with your partner. - Choose Pleasure First
Ask yourself, “what would a little more pleasure feel like in this moment?” Maybe it’s taking a bath instead of shower. Maybe it’s getting fresh flowers for your home just because you like them. Get into the practice of adding pleasure into your life and notice how it relaxes your nervous system. - Practice Adornment
This is physical self expression. Dress as a statement, a message you’re sending yourself and the universe. Maybe you have a piece of jewelry you’ve been saving for a special occasion. Maybe you have an outfit that makes you feel fierce, but you don’t wear it too often. Could tomorrow be that occasion? Make this your norm. - Try Hip Circles
Moving your hips in circles allows you to wake up feminine energy in that area of your body. - Experiment With Womb Breathing
Place your hand over your womb and breathe deeply into that space. - Perform Breast Massage
Similar to hip circles, bring energy to your heart area and try to open it up. - Experiment With Vaginal Dearmoring
Try using a yoni wand to soften and open up some of these areas. - Use Feeling Statements
For those that are partnered up, try using feeling statements to build that intimacy through embodiment. Name your desires. “It would feel really good if you planned a date for us.” “I feel really connected when we have a designated date night.”
Most importantly, keep asking yourself how you can tune into the here and now.
This concept seems so simple, but it can be so challenging.
Being fully in the moment may make you feel uncomfortable. There’s nowhere to hide when you’re in the here and now! However, if you can hang in there, you can really reap the rewards of this work.
If you’re ready to remove the subconscious blocks that keep you stuck and get into an amazing relationship, I would love to chat about how I may be able to support you. Learn more about my offerings and schedule an exploratory call today!