I’m a firm believer that online dating works for everyone.
Now, before you start thinking about why you’re the exception, I want you to know, I’ve heard all the objections and excuses.
Things like; I live in a small town. I’m older. There’s only certain types of men online. And on and on.
I know online dating can get a bad rap. But with the right combination of mindset and practical strategies, this tool can connect you with an amazing, high-quality man.
There are a few key factors that really help you work with this resource in a way that creates results.
So, here’s my best tips, the do’s and don’ts of online dating to help set you up for success.
🧠 DO Get Your Mindset Right
There can be so many different fears around online dating. Fear of being seen. Fear of putting yourself out there. Fear of rejection. Fear of disappointment.
It’s normal to feel some apprehension when trying something new, especially when it requires you to be somewhat vulnerable and open.
However, I’ve seen women who decide this isn’t going to work for them before they’ve even tried it!
Take a moment to check in with yourself.
Notice your mindset and the automatic beliefs you have.
How you feel about men is being reflected back to you.
Do you feel like there are no good men on dating sites, the guys on there just want to hook up, they’re old, or they’re unattractive?
If so, guess who’s going to show up for you?
Anchor into the belief that there are great men out there that are exactly what you’re looking for.
Be open, ready, and willing to receive.
Let the Universe know that you’re ready to welcome the right type of partner!
📝 DO Create A Plan
Online dating can get overwhelming, especially without a plan to make it work for you.
I’ve had many clients who have used online dating in the past, but haphazardly.
They go into it without any kind of structure or intention.
Before they know it, an influx of guys are in their inboxes and it can feel anything but exciting trying to sift through profiles and filter for a potential match.
Luckily, there’s a few easy practices that can help you create a plan and beat the overwhelm so you meet your guy much faster than if you were to keep starting and stopping your online dating efforts.
🕯 First, align your energy before you use the app. Don’t use it when you’re tired, stressed, or looking for a distraction.
Have a regular ritual of self-care or pleasure practices before you log on. Then bring that energy into online dating.
⏰ Secondly, commit to using it on a regular basis. Try giving yourself 10 minutes a day to be online or commit to sending messages to five guys each week.
Small windows of consistency are better than random large blocks of using it. It’s easier to keep up momentum and see progress when you stay with it longer than you’ve previously tried.
👋🏻 Also, give yourself permission to initiate. I know some women only like to respond to men who message first.
You can still be in the feminine energy, but just stick out your hand to say hi. Shocking, I know!
The bottom line is pairing feminine energy + embodiment with a smart strategy that works for you, sets you up for online dating success.
Both are necessary. Which one(s) could you use support with?
✨ DO Let Your Personality Shine Through Your Profile and Pictures
Your profile and pictures are what help men initially determine if they want to reach out to you online.
I see many women make the mistake of having a very bare bones, generic profile.
They include a lot of fluffy and nondescript information.
This really makes it hard for men to get to know you and makes it difficult for potential matches to separate you from the pack.
You can solve this by giving specific examples. So, if you say “I like to travel”, give specifics.
Where do you like to travel?
Where are some of your favorite destinations?
Where have you been? Where do you want to go next?
Don’t be afraid of being too specific.
Also, photos are necessary and another opportunity to let your personality shine through.
Please have a full-body photo where men can see your smiling face.
Don’t be a random floating head.
Having no photo feels like you have something to hide, plus you’re missing a great opportunity!
Share who you are. Include photos that show what you do out and about on a casual weekend – maybe at a wine festival or marathon.
Post a dressy photo that shows what you like to rock for a night on the town!
For those that struggle with body insecurity, you can assume that men who reach out to you already like how you look.
Plus, when you eventually meet off the app, they’re going to see how you look.
You’ll have nowhere to hide, so there’s really no point in hiding it online.
🎯 DO Include a Call to Action
If you’re getting generic messages like “Hi. You’re very beautiful.”, but you want something that gives a bit more detail about the man, include a call to action.
For example, if you love hiking, write something in your profile like, “I love hiking in the mountains. Let me know what your favorite trail is.”
There are three benefits to this. First, men are able to self-identify if they jive with what you wrote (i.e. if they also like hiking).
Secondly, there’s an easy conversation starter for him to reach out to you with something specific.
Third, it means he’s actually read your profile.
You want to make it as easy as possible for men to reach out to you and one of the best ways is to include a call to action.
❌ DON’T Get Hung Up on Finding the “Perfect” Site to Use
There’s not a single dating site where all the hot, amazing guys are hiding out. It’s all about what speaks to you.
Luckily, we live in a time where there are all different kinds of sites and niches. So, there’s really something for everyone.
There are sites that are more short form. Typically these just have some photos and a short bio. These are usually apps that are more swipe based.
There are sites that are more long form. These tend to have longer profiles, more photos, and generally more information.
I personally feel like these types of sites are best, just because you just have more information to gauge by.
There are niche sites for religious groups, professionals, outdoor lovers, etc.
If these types of things are important to you, a niche site might be a good fit.
An app that really targets those things specifically allows you to narrow down the dating pool for men that are more aligned with that you’re looking for.
The truth is any site can work. Wherever you think you can show up most consistently is the best place to start.
Remember, you’re not committed. If it doesn’t jive for you, you can try a different one. Just get started.
❌ DON’T Hone in on One Man Right Away and Cut Off Other Options
Some women lock in on a man early and stop responding to everyone else.
Things seem like they’re going good with this man and women just want to see how things play out with him alone.
I see this often with anxious attaching daters. However, keeping your options open is in your best interest.
Allow yourself to stay in connection with multiple other people until there’s an understood expressed commitment from a man.
So, set a goal. For example, commit to speaking to five guys and see where things go.
You can always reevaluate, but allow yourself to be at that threshold.
❌ DON’T Feel Obligated to Respond to Every Message
Many women feel that they have to speak to everyone that speaks to them.
This can lead to a crowded inbox and eventually overwhelm. The truth is, no you don’t.
If you really want to politely decline someone, you can just send a few sentences.
Say, “Hey. Thanks for reaching out. I don’t think there’s really much chemistry between us, but wish you all the best.” This closes the door in a respectful way.
You can also give yourself permission to only engage with people that you are genuinely interested in.
Preserve and protect your energy. Stay true to your boundaries and be ok with that.
❌ DON’T Get Swipe Happy
With online dating, it can be easy to fall into the trap of just swiping “Next, next, next…”
Allow yourself to see what’s really there. Explore those options.
Be intentional in asking yourself why you’re choosing to not engage with a man or why you are choosing to engage with him.
Get to know yourself throughout this process. What are your real yes’/no’s and where are they coming from?
❌ DON’T Become Pen Pals
Sometimes, online daters can fall into the pen pal trap.
This is basically where you’re endlessly messaging each other, but you don’t feel like it’s progressing anywhere.
I often help my clients find ways to effectively move the dynamic forward in a way that’s feminine, but still honors boundaries and pacing.
Most importantly, take stock of your conversations.
Do things feel like they’re going in circles? If so, you might find yourself in the pen pal trap.
Want my help with creating a fulfilling and successful online dating experience?
Whether you need someone to review your bio, help you craft outreach messages, or stay in feminine energy while online dating, I can help you!
Click here to learn how to work with me.