I recently went out to dinner with a friend I hadn’t seen in a few months. We were catching up, and I shared that I had started this blog. He responded, “Yeah, I tried to get into it. I just cant.” I laughed, said, “fair enough”, and the conversation moved on. And I don’t mean moved on like I’m going to shove this down for now, and ruminate over it later. But more like, hey, my message isn’t for everyone. I can respect that.
It was in that moment I realized what was once an old wound of rejection with deep desire to fit in was no longer being retriggered. You see, when I look back at my life, I reminisce on the different cities I’ve lived in, and the great groups of people I’ve found along my journey. I’ve never had a hard time making friends, and I’ve enjoyed feeling deeply connected to some amazing people who have given me full permission to be myself. But there is a theme I’ve noticed. In any group of friends, there always seems to be one or two people (typically other women) who just don’t seem to care for me. It’s that weird vibe of we’re hanging out because we’re in the same place at the same time…but I don’t really have an interest in getting to know you. Can anyone relate?
I’ve spent a good deal of energy wondering what causes this perceived separation, why someone seemingly doesn’t like me for no apparent reason. There was a period in my life I tried hard to fit the polished, preppy girl part. Years later, I tried convincing myself I really belonged to the wild, party girl scene. I was buying into the belief that if I just tried a little harder to be like these girls who weren’t so friendly, maybe they’d realize how great I am. Well, as you may guess, my efforts to be less like me and more like them never got me very far. In fact, it just created feeling separated from true self. As I’ve grown, however, I’ve slowly built up courage. The courage to define myself on my terms, to unapologetically seek opportunities that fit what I feel to be true, meaningful, and real.
If you’re resonating with any of this, I’m here to take the burden off. Let me remind you, others can only love, accept, and appreciate you as much as you feel that towards yourself. However, even when that self-love is overflowing out of you, there’s still going to be people who aren’t on the same page. And that’s totally okay. Those people just aren’t your people, plain and simple. It’s taken me years to let that sink in. And it feels so freeing.
The beauty of this life is that we get to design how it looks for us. We get to develop our unique talents, interests, and appearance. Sadly, all too often, we expand or shrink our deepest desires based on the reaction of those around us. This is for good reason, as community and connection are essential components of our human experience.
What I’m proposing is to give yourself full permission to explore those nagging thoughts swirling around in the back of your mind. You know, the ones that entice you with ideas of doing that thing you’d love to explore, but don’t have the courage for. It could be any aspect of your life, doesn’t matter. I’m willing to bet you’ve come up with a reason to play it safe. Maybe the message that you not drift too far from the norm has been reinforced. Fear of rejection can also play a part, but I think the pain of not starting in the first place is a far worse fear to succumb to.
As for my self acceptance process, it has been incredibly healing for me to take the plunge and start this blog. I know not everyone is going to like/understand/appreciate/care about what I have to say in this little corner of the internet, however I also know there are plenty of people who will. I always think about my favorite musicians, artists, and people of great inspiration. Imagine if they had let fear and insecurity hold them back. The world would be a much more bland, boring place. I’ve learned that being bold and sharing your creations give permission for others to do the same. This is how we grow, transform, and tap into the gifts we’ve been granted. I believe we are wired to create, to receive and share inspiration. If your light has been dimmed so much that you believe you aren’t a creative person, I dare you to explore beneath the surface of that excuse.
And above all else, stand strong in who you are. Know there is a tribe of like-minded individuals waiting to receive you, all of you, with open arms. The more you allow your authentic light to shine, the easier it will be for them to find you. Once we are tapped into that place of internal alignment, all kinds of possibilities open up. Instead of seeking external approval, we accept ourselves as already whole. What once felt impossible comes together. So go ahead and explore your creativity, the world is waiting for you to leave your unique mark.